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My Empower Project Story + FEAR

Mar 14, 2021

True story, fear is crazy.


We can absolutely get in our own heads which prevents us from doing some of the craziest, most fun things that we can ever imagine in our whole lives. My podcast is proof of that. I tripped myself up so bad all year long about starting this thing and I was afraid and allowed myself to use all the excuses. I finally had to just say “if I was sitting across from my best friend having a cup of coffee what would I say?” And this space right here, my podcast, that is what I want it to be. I want it to be an open, candid, wonderful conversation with you as if we were sitting over a wonderful cup of coffee.


When I first went to launch my podcast, I let fear (the main thing I teach on as a life and business coach) get in the way of me coming and sharing with you on the platform. I let it stop me in my tracks -- which is SO crazy. So I’m calling myself on my shit right now and I’m doing this thing. I’m doing it totally scared, I’m doing it awkward, I’m doing it before I feel ready, I’m doing it messy and I’m having all of the feels. You know? What if nobody wants to listen to it? What if nobody cares what I have to say? What if I screw up and I say something silly? All of these excuses. And when I really thought about it — it all just went right back to fear. This huge feeling of fear. 


I went to an event a couple of months ago and at that event I was challenged to be brave when I went home. I had to do something big and scary that I had been putting off for far too long and what came to me was the podcast. I KNEW that I had to do this thing. 


I was making everything so much about me and it never was about me. I was making all of the reasons that I wanted to start this podcast about me and the reasons that I was having all of these excuses around me and it’s not about me. It’s about you. It’s about serving you. So here I am, awkward behind the mic, (typing this out) feeling all the feels so that we can start having these conversations. 


So here we are!


I can share our very first convo with you about fear — and choosing to do it scared and choosing to do it anyways. Sometimes the things we have to do are so uncomfortable -- and I think it’s really fun that the birth episode, the very first episode of my podcast is about fear. Because me sitting here doing it scared and being vulnerable, gives permission to all of you to do the big, scary things.  

Because we all have to start something. 


This podcast felt like my next best step. The downloads that you have, the gut feelings that say, “man how cool would that be!!! If I could bring that to life! I really need to give that a try.” I call those soul whispers. Your soul whispers are from the heart -- what you need to be doing as your next best step comes from the heart. And fear comes from the head. The thoughts that we are not good enough, not brave enough, not smart enough. All of the excuses that we start telling ourselves, those are all in our head. I KNEW that my big scary thing that I had to do and be brave was to get out of my head and back into my heart. Because I have so much to share with you guys and I want to empower you to do the things that are on your heart and not lead with your head anymore.


I had to ask myself, “what else have I done in my life that I have been scared?” Well, I have felt scared feelings, I have had the fear, and I have talked myself out of it. I started 2 businesses. I became a mom again, and again and again. I have left good relationships for GREAT relationships. I walked away from the safety and the known. I have walked away from toxic relationships to build beautiful ones that flourished with people that make me feel worthy. Every time I have stepped into a new space — whether it was deciding to have a baby, deciding to get married, deciding to leave the relationship or end the friendship or start the business when I didn’t know what the hell I was doing... I had the fear and I did it anyway. 


While I sat here waiting for clarity on how the hell I was even going to start my podcast or what I was even going to say, I was reminded of my own teaching -- I tasted my own medicine very hard. Clarity does not find you. Clarity is taking the very first step into the unknown. Then you see a next step, a next step, and a next step and at some point you just have to decide to trust. It’s like the fog. You can’t see the mountains in front of you but you have to just trust that they’re there. You could decide to not leave your house and not go anywhere because you can’t see the mountains and you don’t know where you’re going or it might be unsafe or all of these things could happen... or you can just get in the car and start driving. As soon as you put yourself into motion you can always see 20 feet in front of you. And then another 20 feet and another 20 feet. You just have to trust that you will get to your destination and eventually you will. The time the fog is too thick to see through it, the destination is there and you will always see 20 steps ahead of you. I believe that clarity is the exact same thing. So here I am. Starting it anyways.


My first taste of fear… let’s backtrack a little bit into my story and how I know all of this to be true.


Before I had my first daughter I was the party girl. I had no responsibility and I didn’t want responsibility. I was trying to discover my worth through substance, partying, alcohol, toxic relationships and friendships and I felt powerful in that space. I stayed there for too long and let it completely consume my life.


When I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter, I was still living in my parents basement. About a month after she was born, I found out that my parents house was for sale. I was jobless and now going to be homeless with a new baby so I pooled all of my money together and moved into — what I later found out was — a condo that was infested with black mold. The floor was falling apart, there were no baseboards on half of the walls, there was mildew growing up the walls... WHAT A CRAZY SITUATION. I NEVER in a million years thought that I would be here. Who grows up as a little girl thinking “yes, that’s exactly the situation I would love to be in as an adult with my newborn daughter.” ?


I remember sitting on my bedroom floor taking the last $20 out of my bible that I got when I was a little girl. I was taking that last $20 to buy groceries and diapers for my baby. I remember sitting there thinking, “this was not the way that this was supposed to go.” I felt like my life ended before it was even supposed to start. I was 22 years old. I felt so defeated, I felt so alone. I was so scared and I was angry at myself that I let myself even get to that position in the relationships, the financial situation, the thought that I was going to amount to something big... but here we are. 

And my baby, she was so beautiful and she was my responsibility — she was mine. I was so terrified to my core about her future as well as mine. It was at that time that I drew a line in the sand. I decided it was up to me and nobody else. Nobody else could rewrite my story but me. It was not going to be easy and I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I was completely scared but I had to do it anyway. I had to do it messy. I had to be brave because my future 100% depended on me and the choices that I would make.


So I started my first business in the health and wellness industry with a network marketing company. I loved their products, I loved their workouts, I lost all of the baby weight. Life was on top of the world. Everything was so good and I put one foot in front of the other and I learned how to do it and I did not quit. I did not quit when it got hard. I did not quit when I got told “no” over and over and over again. I didn’t quit when I didn’t have the money or I didn’t have the time or the support. I didn’t quit when I didn’t have whatever excuse I could have let happen. I pushed forward. I did the thing. I stayed positive. I learned what I needed to learn and I became quite successful in that business. I hit so many goals that I could have only ever dreamed possible. I was able to create the most beautiful life of stability and financial freedom for my family. I was able to learn enough about myself — about boundaries and triggers. So much personal development that I was forced to do in that business allowed me to walk away from relationships that no longer served me and to stick up for myself. I’m so grateful that I’m able to sit here today and tell you this story about how my life turned around because I decided. I just decided. At some point you just have to decide that life gets to be different for you and there’s so many avenues that will allow you to change and do that. 


So I ran with the business. I did all the things, we bought our home, I married the love of my life last year, and life has been so beautiful. I’ve learned how to leave the toxic habits, self sabotage and the substance use and take care of my body and learn how to move my body and come into my spiritual body. More recently, I have stepped into another scary place and started a completely new brand and new company and that’s when the Empower Project came to life. Everything that I could have ever dreamed of in a community of women who hold space for each other and who stick up for each other. We learn together, we build businesses and babies and all of the crazy things and it has just been so incredible.


I was always uneducated. I was always unfunded. I was always stepping into the unknown. Every business that I have started, both this one and the first one I started, walking away from the relationships, setting boundaries, listening to my intuition and being my soul whispers to life — I didn’t have education, I didn’t have a mentor, I didn’t have money, I didn’t have time. But what I DID have was an absolute unwavering belief in the possibility that life gets to be different. I was just going to rewrite the rules and I was going to do it differently. 


You are not ever given the dream without the possibility. You’re not ever given the dream without the soul whispers on how to do it. You’re never given the dream or desire on your heart without being given a way to do it. Yes it’s going to be messy. Yes it’s going to be crazy and you’re going to feel crazy. But you’re NEVER given it without being given a possibility.


My job, my mission, is to empower women to know that they can bravely step into the unknown too. Let the mess happen, be scared, create dreams, and turn the impossible into absolutely freaking doable with a little bit of grit, a little bit of hard work, and a whole lot of aligned vision and action. Just take the first step into the fog, into the unknown, to find clarity. Over and over again.