There’s been this constant theme coming up for me + my clients in the past couple of months. It’s the idea of fear. How do I get past that fear? How do I feel the fear and do it anyways? So that is what this weeks episode is about. I wanna talk about just that — feeling the fear and doing it anyways. And doing it BRAVE.
Here’s what I think: Fear to me is always. It IS the next best step. So when we ask, “how do I know what my next best step is?” I say: “wheres your fear at? That’s what we need to look at and that’s what we need to be doing.” Because fear is triggers by the ego and the ego does not like expansion or growth. If I’m being triggered by fear, that says to me “ooo, this IS the next best step. This is me stepping into expansion. This is me stepping into the next level of myself or my business or what I get to learn and bring on as what I know to be true in my toolkit.”
Fear becomes a story I am able to rewire back to love. I’m allowed to feel that fear and I can allow that to be rewritten — why am I fearful? Can I rewrite that? Can I return myself back to being supported? Looking at this from a lens of love, looking at this from a lens of confidence and deciding “I DO get to have this. I DO get to be brave and step into this regardless.” I’m not going to say there’s not a bunch of fear around it or I don’t get a funky vibe, but if I’m going to move forward in my life and achieve some things, then I have to make the decision to rewrite this story around fear.
Let me take you guys on a little journey. I have a little story time for you today because I found that this was really powerful in how to look at fear. So let me take you on a journey, come with me for a little bit...
Your life and where you want to go is a car about to head out on a trek. You get to choose who gets to take the driver seat, you get to choose who has to sit in the passenger seat, and you also get to choose which one of your friends (aka your emotions) has to sit in the back seat, quiet until you get to the destination. We have this car (your life) and it’s going to head out on this journey. We cannot fully REMOVE fear because it is our protection mechanism that we do need it to keep us safe at times but our brain cannot know or decipher between actual danger and fear of the unknown.
Fear is just an evolved piece of us that we have and the fear inside of us can’t decipher between “this is genuinely, completely dangerous. It is unsafe. You are going to get hurt” or “don’t worry, you’re not actually in danger. We don’t have to trigger that fight or flight reaction in our body. It’s just a story. We’ve been here before — maybe we got hurt, maybe it’s a story that we picked up from someone else.”
Fear hates growth because it might be unsafe — so do we really want it in the driver seat or even in the passenger seat? No. We DEFINITELY do not. If I’m heading out on a road trip I do NOT want fear in control of my soundtrack and where we’re going. If the person in the passenger seat has control over the music and the map — telling us where to go and when to go, is FEAR the emotion we want dictating our choice in our life? Absolutely not.
So therefor, it is OUR job to remove fear in a way that says “I don’t think I want you in the passenger seat.” It’s our job not to remove fear completely and tell them they can’t come — because that’s unrealistic — but to politely ask it to get out of the drivers seat, it’s not allowed to ride shotgun and it has to sit in the back. It has to be quiet and just chill out until we get to the destination AND if I need it at any time or I ask it a question, then and only then, it is allowed to speak it’s opinion.
So now you’re back in control. Now YOU get to hop back in the drivers seat and get to choose another emotion to hop into the passenger seat. This is courage. This is love. This is confidence. This is bravery. Who do you want popping in the passenger seat to cruise with you? This, that I choose, is going to control the soundtrack that keeps playing over and over and over again and it also reads the map of where we’re going to go. The next steps. The direction I’m heading in my life.
Now I get to choose, with fear in the backseat, maybe confidence riding shotgun with me and I’m in control. I get to start the car and say “ok, I’m ready,” and I get to start moving. THIS IS AWESOME. I’m pumped up. I get to go on a road trip. I have all the things I need. I’m ready to take the next best step in my life. BUT NOW there’s this thick fog that rolls in. It’s scary, it’s totally terrifying but you have to just trust that if you start moving the car, you’ll be able to see 10 feet in front of you. If you start moving the car and you go 10 feet, 20 feet, 30 feet... you’re able to see just enough distance in front of you that you can keep moving forward. YES it’s a slower pace, yes you have to be cautious, yes you have to be safe, but that doesn’t mean you’re not able to head out on your journey. My job is just to trust that my destination is there, get in the car, start the car and just start moving.
Now that we have this thick fog rolling in and you cannot see in front of you — you HAVE to rely on trust. Trust of your gut and love or confidence in the passenger seat who has the map to actually guide you and know that your destination is there. KNOW that your goal — the thing that you want, the vision for your life, the thing that you are shooting for, the destination you are going for — is there even though you cannot see it yet.
And so you have 2 choices. You get to either 1. Stay stuck in your life because you don’t trust and you can’t see it. You get to decide “this is unsafe, let’s stay put. Let’s wait for another day. Let’s put this journey off a little bit longer until it’s safe for sure.” But what if the fog never lifts? Do you cancel the trip? OR 2. YOU CAN TAKE THE FIRST FEW STEPS. You can start your car and you can start moving. You can take those first 10 steps, and then the next 10 steps and every time you start inching forward you're able to see the next best steps in front of you. Always.
Clarity doesn’t come from seeing the journey. Clarity doesn’t come from seeing the destination and going “ok cool. I see this. It’s all mapped out for me — it’s perfect! Let’s do the thing and I get to take my first steps and it gets to be easy.” It doesn’t work that way. Clarity is taking the first few foggy steps and the next best steps will come. It is always that in life. So what is my next best step? We can ask this all the time, “how do I know what my next best step is? How do I gain clarity on who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing?” Take the first few steps.
You choose on the journey that is your life, who and what is controlling your actions. Who is in the driver seat? Is it you? If it’s not you — if it’s fear, doubt, lack or any other thing — you need to tell them to get the hell out of the drivers seat. Take your life back! Hop back into the drivers seat. You get to choose who is sitting in the passenger seat. What emotions are you allowing to control the soundtrack inside of your head and the map that you follow to get to your destination? You get to choose in your life to be brave. You choose to seek clarity through trekking through the fog. You get to choose to show up and start the car and just start driving.
Sometimes it’s really big when someone’s like “just feel the fear and do it anyways,” and you’re like “what does that even mean? Am I gonna get hurt? This is far too crazy!” But we can look at it as “I’m in control. I don’t have to get rid of the fear, I just get to control how much of my life it actually does get to control.” In knowing that, we just get to decide how to show up, being brave enough to take the first step, and what IS the first step. Can I take a deep breath and start the car and just start driving?
Action items for you start thinking and journaling about:
My advice to you: when I get that feeling in my gut — those soul whispers — I take one small action step on it right now. Before fear has time to creep in.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE HERE: